There are so many ways that I find your coaching useful

“ In my head, times when I know I'll be talking to you feel like a reset button, that I know will help me to calibrate what's going on, how I'm feeling, how I'm responding. That is reassuring and relaxing in itself, knowing that that is coming up.

Speaking to you, almost whatever is being said, is also reassuring. Your voice is really calming, grounding. The lightness that we talk about, you have that entirely - curiosity, openness, lightness, humour. They're all present in the tone even before the words get involved. You sound like you always answer the phone smiling. That's a small thing but it has a big impact!

You help me to take an objective view

When we talk, you help me to process what's going on, how I'm feeling. You reflect it, but more than that you help me to take an objective view, to see that what I'm wanting is OK, it's not over-demanding or unreasonable or any of the things I'm scared of. Working with you has helped me to completely shift my perspective of what I'm entitled to, what I'm allowed to want, what I can expect, and what I can hold myself and others too. That all now feels far more real, that I'm allowing myself how I really feel, than it ever used to. It feels softer too, relaxed, easy - because you were easy and relaxed about it whenever we talked about it.

We have a slight battle over whether I'm too harsh on myself or not - you've been pulling me back from a fairly extreme position on that since we first started, and given how entrenched I've been, and in some ways I think still am, it's a win by degrees. I know it's not a battle - that sounds much too combatorial, but by that I mean it's been one thing I've not been open minded about! You keep laying it open though, showing me gently, repeatedly, consistently how in all sorts of ways I don't feel justified to be struggling with all the things, to be asking for help and receiving it, and how those feelings are impacting me in all sorts of ways.

You really challenge me

Like that and in other ways, for all the kindness, you really challenge me too, and you won't let me off the hook, for example when I try to rationalise all the reasons that I shouldn't have to do something, or that my entrenched way of thinking is justified. You make me think through things, worst case scenarios, most likely scenarios, which helps me to see that actually it's highly unlikely anything bad will happen, and even if it did by the sheer act of taking action I'd not be nearly so vulnerable as I often seem to think.

You're really knowledgeable about objective facts and systems too - how the limbic brain works, how the developing brain works, how different personality types work, and thus how my reactions aren't choices that I'm making but part of my original wiring, which I can undo and change yes, but that it will take work. That's all really helpful. I find it difficult to take it in at the time sometimes, but the ideas stay there to be absorbed.

Also the reassurance that I'm not going mad

Over the summer, that was incredibly tough and thank you so much, more than I can form into words. And that I'm not going backwards, which I always fear and you always reassure me. And when you point it out I can see it, in a way that I find really, really hard to do on my own.

I still feel like I shouldn't need such ongoing help, and it feels so special that you're there, that maybe I get to have that because I didn't have so much when I could rightfully have expected it as a kid, as a teenager.

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.”"